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Thursday, March 15, 2012

For the first time...

I want to start off by saying that you have an amazing grandpa that loves you very much. I am very thankful for grandpa Juan. I know that he will always be there for you, he has been there from the very beginning. He was there the day you were born, where he slept in the hospital waiting room over night just to see you come into this world. It is a blessing to have somebody come into your life and take on the responsibility as a grandparent.

There is alot to my story. The story of my life, my family and where I came from. There are many people that you have never met and may never meet that have impacted my life. Someday I will sit down with you and answer any questions that you may have, if you ever happen to have any. With that being said, yesterday was the first day that you met your grandpa. By grandpa, I mean my father. To be completely honest, he never knew of you until yesterday. He never knew that his baby had her own baby. There are many things that have happened in my relationship with my father that led us to become almost strangers to one another. That made us grow apart and move in different directions. I never stopped loving my father though. He has been and will always be the first man I have ever loved.

I want to say that I do have some wonderful memories of my father growing up. He took care of us. He gave me the wonderful home that I grew up in. I have so many memories in that house. That is the house that I lived in when I met your father. That is the house that your father used to chase me home from school to when we were 8 years old. But eventually we all grew up, people moved away and my whole world changed.

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Your great grandfather who I have not seen in almost 3 years passed away. It is unfortunate that you will never meet him. But I have so many memories of him that he will forever live on in my thoughts and prayers. I truly believe that people never really die. They are forever with you in your heart and mind. It is heartbreaking to lose a family member, but they do live on forever. As my grandpa will in the many hearts of loved ones.

We lost someone very important. Someone that is loved very much, but we also gained a bond. Whether or not my father decides to be involved in your life, he knows you. He knows that there is a wonderful, beautiful and amazing little boy named Oliver. A little boy who looks like his daddy with his grandpa's dimples! My little boy. Although my relationship with my father has not been the best, there is no looking back on the past and dwelling on what can't be changed. I can honestly say that becoming a mother has made me a better person in every way. Being your mother has helped me heal as a person from all the people that have hurt me or left me. Loving you Oliver, has made me complete. I no longer feel the need to hate or hold grudges towards anyone.

I will never forget how happy my father looked when he was holding you for the first time. I will never forget the love that I saw on his face for you. He never had a son, but he does have a grandson. I think that we are all very lucky to have you in our life Oliver.

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